All Good Asian Girls Aren’t Autonomous

by Vivian Ho

Instructions to make the object of your Control?

Affection:

Rice paper skin

Warning: might be too fragile for handling with the unskilled hand

Also might be too transparent for your liking

I don’t want to hear your issues right now...are we still gonna do this?

Dumpling cheeks to grope lovingly caress She gives you a sad longing smile

“Save me from myself.”

Her cheeks flush a kawaii no 可爱 shade of pink:

(You sometimes mix up the two languages. Wait hold on what is she again?)

A person, maybe a shell of one, but human nonetheless, you dipshit.

Can you talk dirty to me in Mandarin?

“I can tell you all the things I’ve never heard. 我爱你.”

Black silken hair (to pull)

Red Buttons (to push)

Or maybe brown

The first time I’ve been with a girl of your kind I was surprised they were so dark.

Eyes like dishes of soy sauce

Dark with childhood trauma

She peers up at you like her father who she never sees

You find it endearing

Cute China doll...you smell good like cherry blossoms

She giggles like an anime schoolgirl?

She finds it funny that you say that

considering she no longer puts in effort to shower regularly.

“Why do men always call me cute? I want to be pretty or hot or sexy or real?”

Is there another word to describe girls like you?

Small slender incense body

She’s a smoke and mirrors

“I’m sorry...are my boobs too small?”

I want you to tell me that I am enough.

No. Can you stop being so sad? It’s making me turn limp.

Quiet. Docile. Submissive.

A girl that will last forever until you’re finished.

“Where will I be if you leave me?”

There is no if. It’s a matter of when.

You will die without a trace. Only the memory of a damaged Oriental good. An object of my affection.

Psychosis

Walk the line between loving and leaving

Butterfly garden

Monarchs migrate to Mexico

Bio:

Vivian Ho is an Asian American specifically Vietnamese Chinese and Cambodian slam poet and jack of all creative trades who loves to incorporate personal identity and politics into her work. She is very tied to works about Asian, LGBTQ+ issues, and mental health issues as they speak most personally to her and she feels the need to share her perspective on the issues of those who can relate to her to give them a voice and representation. She is heavily inspired by poets such as Sylvia Plath and Audre Lorde who know the importance of sharing your story and the power that poetry has in transforming cultural narratives and biases. In her piece, Vivian touches upon the experiences of Asian girls that are left unheard or marginalized by mainstream society.

At BU, She is a psychology major on the pre-med track aiming to become a child and adolescent psychiatrist because she hopes to provide culturally competent care to Asian and other BIPOC communities and provide Asian representation in the psychology field. She hopes to alleviate the stigma surrounding mental health in her culture and evolve the deeply problematic psychiatry field into being more understanding to non-neurotypical people such as herself. She takes the concepts in my poetry and carries them into her everyday life including her career aspirations and takes intersectional issues to heart bridging the gap between STEM and the arts through identity issues.